Chapter 9: Mr. and Mrs. Grover J. Barnes Sr.

Do you Grover Jerry Barnes Sr. take Arnavay D. Tyler Benge Minter Barnes Tyler to be your lawful wedded wife? Grover and Arnavay both say "I do" exactly six months after Grover was last granted a divorce from Arnie and Myrtle on the same date - June 19, 1953. Was this a romantic coincidence or another calculated move?When you read the court documents you see the restraining order the Judge authorized upon Arnie's request and you read his angry reply about her Intervening in the case between himself, Myrtle and Grover Jr. But it is just too fishy for me that the property is not divided or sold within 30 days after the June 19th judgement. Then they are married again on December 19th after the judge says all must wait six months to remarry.

May I present Mr. and Mrs. Grover J. Barnes Sr.

I was given this picture by Arnie's niece who I talked to in Sallisaw. The picture was taken December 19, 1953. I never brought up anything I knew about their relationship or the court cases. I was not there to educate her on my findings, I was there to listen and learn about their relationship from her family's viewpoint. They didn't know anything about my Grandma Barnes or all the courthouse mayhem. Her family just saw them as having a "love, hate" relationship and felt the on again, off again relationship was due to Grover's drinking. Arnie's niece is a very nice person and was very kind to welcome us into her home to share pictures and stories. She is a woman in her 70's, never married and devoted her life to education and travel, but was still very close to her family. She told me Grover's drinking would have had to cause problems in the marriage because Arnie did not drink and was against it. She also gave me a copy of Arnie's 1952 Sunday School Certificate Award. Please forgive my insert of sarcasm, but I personally find this all to be just a bit disingenuous of Miss Arnie. Of course, I believe her family was given a distorted view of their relationship and the entire situation.

Apparently sometime after this marriage, they bought property in Vian/Gore area. The home was what they called a cabin and they managed other cabins on the property. It was actually not very clear to me, but I believe they owned all the cabins. They were renting out the house on 5th Street in Tulsa and then renting/ managing the cabins in Vian/Gore. Arnie continued to work as a home health nurse and Grover Sr was still working on a line crew. Arnie's niece gave me the picture below of the Grand River Dam where he was working on line construction. She said he took a bad fall and Arnie cared for him during his rehabilitation. Despite his time off work, they were still bringing in a good income. So, there should not have been any excuses for him not paying the court ordered alimony and expenses.

Pictures of the Cabin given to me by Arnie's niece:

However, on June 20, 1955, my father, Grover Jr. filed an Application For Citation against Grover Sr. The document below, states that Grover Sr. had not paid the $15.00 per month to Grover Jr. since December, 1954 and he had not paid the institution in Vinita their payments since November, 1954. The document states that he has been asked to pay, but has "wholly failed to do so". Then on August 29, 1955, a Court Order was issued for Grover Sr. to appear in Court September 9th, 1955 to explain why he has not paid and why he should not be held in contempt of court. He was issued a summons the next day.

Unless I missed something when I went through the file to be copied, that is where the file ends. I do not know if there was a court appearance on the 9th of September, whether Grover decided to pay what he owed, or it the court date was delayed into October.

Application For Citation

What I can tell you, is Grover Sr. fell over with a probable massive heart attack on Octboer 12, 1955 and died instantly. He was at the cabin and working on it outdoors. He was alone, Arnie had gone on her home health rounds into Muskogee. Someone in one of the other cabins called for help, however, he was dead and was taken to a funeral home in Sallisaw. Since they could not get ahold of Arnie, my father was called. The story I am about to relate from my husband, was just told to me after leaving the house of Arnie's niece. In 1981, my father retired from Public Service Company of Oklahoma. My husband, Chester, was having trouble finding a job in the field of his degree, which was landscaping. Since my Dad was leaving PSO, he was able to help Chester get a job driving a truck for a crew at PSO. All the men of course knew and had worked with my Dad and there were a few that had worked with my Grandfather, Grover Sr. They said Grover Sr. was not a likable person and not easy to work for. Some had said they were with Grover Jr. they day he got the call about his Dad. He was asked to come identify the body. There was no emotion, no sadness. He went in, said something like, "yes that is my Dad", turned around and walked out.

So, once again, I have given you the facts that I know. I hope one day soon, I can go back to Sallisaw on a weekday, to check court records for any more answers or clues. However, I think we are still left hanging - a little disappointed that we do not have the complete story. It's hard to not let your imagination run wild and then threaten to take the facts of a tragic series of events and sensationalize them. 

You have listened to me since the chapter where I first introduced Arnie, share my facts and the reasons why I believe with Arnie and Grover Sr. everything was planned and calculated. Beginning when Grover Sr. plotted to take Myrtle's insurance money and put her away, while Arnie was divorcing her Second husband to the day Grover Sr. died. So, bear with me as I throw a possibly wild conclusion out there for you to consider. With Arnie's nursing education and background, could she have given him something before she left to do her Home Health Nursing rounds that would cause a heart attack?  There wasn't an autopsy done on him, and who in their right mind would suspect anything different of a 63 year old man who smoked, drank in excess and was on the overweight side? Yes I do believe it to be possible that Grover Sr. was not the only cold calculated person looking out for himself. Look at who lost the most in the situation and who came out ahead. Grover Sr. only paid a little over one year of the seven awarded years of Alimony awarded to Myrtle. With Grover gone, she didn't have to pay the rest of the alimony to Myrtle.  Arnie filed for divorce several times and was always denied sole custody of the house. With Grover Sr. gone she now has sole ownership of everything. I found the records where she kept the house on 5th street as a rental until 1976, when she sold it and I know from her niece, that she lived at the cabin in Vian until she could no longer care for herself. While Myrtle continued to live her life to the age of 87 always being cared for in either a mental institution or later a nursing home. As far as I know, there were no funds awarded after Grover's death to help care for Myrtle. Then again, you can say that the whole situation "is what it is" a man who abused his body, worked hard physically and had to have been under a great deal of stress brought on by his own lifestyle of deceit.

So, I would really like to hear from you. What would be your conclusion of the missing pieces? What kind of relationship do you think Grover Sr. and Arnie really had? Share with me your theories about  the Judge's final ruling which was basically a ruling of compromise.

I was taught by my parents that even in bad situations, God will bring good from it. I have shared so much sadness, so much anger, hurt and wrong doings, that I believe I need to end on a positive note. I would actually like to end this account with a tribute in the following epilogue..............