Chapter 5: A Calculated Divorce

The year 1942 began with my Uncle Buddy joining the Navy; my Dad, Grover Jr., continued to work from job to job and town to town until joining the Navy in October; and Aunt Betty, who was now 19, was probably living with her girlfriends.

My Mom and Dad married November 16th of 1942. Buddy and Pennie's relationship fell apart. Pennie says the war and distance may have had something to do with it. But when they were reunited after each of their spouses died some fourty years later, Buddy would confess he didn't think he could have a relationship with her because of the situation with his mother, Myrtle. He knew it might be asking too much for a spouse to take on the burden of his mother. In fact my parents nearly split up after my Dad shipped out.  Grover Jr. kept the awful secret of his parents from my mother, Barbara. When she found out Grover Jr.'s mother was in an asylum for the insane, she was very upset that he would keep something that important from her. Betty married Norman Young in March of 1944 and moved to Oklahoma City to begin a new life.

Both brothers returned to Tulsa after the war in 1945. My father returned home to a wife and baby boy. Buddy married Ann and also began a new phase of life in Tulsa. Their mother, Myrtle, was moved to the Eastern State Hospital of Oklahoma located in Vinita, Oklahoma and they would visit her each week.   In October of that year, Arnie Tyler Minter, a single woman, purchased a home in Tulsa.  The home was located in the Factory Addition, 1412 1/2 E. 5th Court.

This brings me back to the sealed Guardianship file from the Tulsa Court House. Arnie still owns the home in Factory Addition in Tulsa, however, she and Grover Sr. are living in California during 1947. On September 27, 1947, Grover Sr. files from California for divorce from his wife Myrtle Barnes. A petition is filed requesting a Guardian ad Litem, since she is an inmate and unable to defend herself of this suit. Grover Sr. is her legal guardian, but since he is the one filing suit against her, the Court must appoint a Guardian ad Litem. The GAL stands up for a minor or a person who is otherwise deemed incompetent in a court of law. In the document below, on the 8th day of November, 1947, he requests the Court to appoint W. E. Moffett to stand in for Myrtle as her Guardian ad Litem. He also asks his attorney, Quincy J. Jones to appear in Tulsa Court in his behalf since he is in California.

The following is Grover Sr.'s petition for divorce, dated September 27, 1947. Take note in the document where he sites why HE should be granted divorce from Myrtle.

Notice how Grover Sr signed this petition while in Los Angles, California

Below is the Final Decree, Dated December 12, 1947 granting Grover Sr., divorce from Myrtle. It is easy to see how easily Grover Sr. was granted a divorce. The man that he suggested as appointment for GOL was present at the court house, but said nothing in her defense of Grover Sr.'s accusations.

Since the guardian is divorcing the one deemed incompetent, this divorce was not made public, but was however, filed in the the sealed filed concerning the guardianship of Myrtle Barnes.

I do not pretend to be knowledgable about the law, however, the Divorce Decree says "this decree shall not take full force and effect until six months from the date hereof." So, why did Grover Sr. and Arnie get married in California on January 3rd, 1948?  Or were they.................

Chapter 4: The Day After

This chapter will bring us to what happened after Grover Sr. was granted guardianship. Grover placed Myrtle in a home somewhere in the Tulsa area. I do not know what kind of place it was, I only know that it was in Tulsa. I learned this after talking to Eloise "Pennie" McCormick Barnes.
Now that we have determined what happened to Myrtle the day after the guardianship, let me put in prospective what I speculate happened a little before and after with Grover Sr. and the children.

Arnavay "Arnie" Dulce Tyler

I will start with Grover Sr. and I would like to introduce you to his girlfriend, Arnavay Dulce Tyler Benge Minter, known to everyone as Arnie. In Grover Sr.'s own words later in a Court statement he said, "We had lived together as man and wife since 1941 and lived and resided in many places as man and wife, such as Jackson, Tennessee; Knoxville, Tennessee; Clinton, Tennessee and Camden, Arkansas." Arnie was born in 1903, she had three sisters and two brothers and they were all raised in Sallisaw, Oklahoma which is less than an hour from Muskogee. She also lived in Braggs, Oklahoma which is just minutes outside of Muskogee and that is where she was buried at the age of 92 in 1995. She married a Jim Benge, however, the family does not have a record of their marriage and divorce. She married her second husband, Johnnie Minter in Muskogee in 1933. He was ten years older than her and she filed for divorce January 11, 1940 in Muskogee. With all of Arnie's ties to Muskogee that I have just mentioned and then the fact that she initiated the divorce from Johnnie Minter in 1940, I think there is a very good chance Arnie and Grover Sr. were seeing each other well before they began living together in 1941 and well before Grover Sr. took guardianship over Myrtle August of 1939 and had her put away.

Arnie's 1st husband Jim Benge

Arnie's 2nd husband, Johnnie Miner,
who she divorced in January 1940.
Just 4 months after Grover Sr was granted guardianship over Myrtle

This also gives me reason to believe after Grover had Myrtle put away in 1939, he left Betty, Buddy and Grover Jr. to live at the house on Victor. At this time, Betty had started her Junior year at Tulsa Central; Buddy graduated from Tulsa Central in 1938, was working at Barnes-Manley and dating Pennie McCormick; and finally, my Dad had graduated from Tulsa Central in 1937 and I'm not certain but I feel like he was working in the Tulsa area.

Betty at house on Victor

Buddy at house on Victor. Looks like he may have just got home
from working at Laundromat. 

Grover Jr. at house on Victor

When I visited with Pennie, she said her mother Effie McCormick was working out front at Barnes-Manley while Buddy was working in the back pressing pants. Pennie was 15 almost 16, attending Tulsa Central and Buddy was 19. It was because of her mother working at the Laundromat that she and Buddy met. He asked Mrs. McCormick "about her cute daughter" and she said "why don't you come by the house and find out for yourself." Buddy and Pennie dated until 1942/1943. Pennie said she did not have much of a remembrance of Buddy's dad being around. However, many times when they were on a date, he would stop by the home where Myrtle was put to check on her and bring her a hamburger. Pennie said Buddy never wanted her to come in, so she would wait in the car. He didn't want her to see what had happened to his mother.

My Aunt Betty is confused on the time frame, but she cannot remember either of her parents at the house during high school. She just remembers her Dad on the road working and figured that is where he met Arnie. She said she remembers several of her Aunts wanting her to move in with them, but she didn't do it. She said she can't remember when, but she moved into an apartment with her girlfriend Florene. I'm wondering if she did this in 1941, because I found on Ancestry.com that she graduated in 1941 from Will Rogers High School in Tulsa instead of Tulsa Central.

My Dad, Grover Jr., took to the road in 1941 working for the Electrical Union. He wrote in a letter to my mother in 1942, that he had driven through 14 states during 1941. In 1942 he worked in Tennessee, Kentucky and Arkansas and when there was a break in a job, he would come back to Tulsa. In early summer of 1942, he was at the Cains Ballroom in Tulsa. This particular night he noticed my mother, Barbara Loy across the room and asked her to dance. Barbara was awfully quiet and shy, but he thought she was very pretty and a great dancer. They begin talking and realized that they lived only a couple of blocks from each other. My mother, Barbara, lived at 431 S. Xanthus and my Dad said he lived at 530 S. Victor. Although Buddy and Pennie along with Grover Jr. and Barbara had what I would consider romantic beginnings, I shared their stories for a particular reason. Grover Jr., in 1942, is still connected to the house next to Barnes-Manley; and Pennie can remember Myrtle being in some type of home while Grover Sr. is living with Arnie in other states.

I also wonder if Grover Sr. was even helping his three children financially. I wouldn't doubt that Buddy and Grover Jr. were actually the ones paying the rent on the house on Victor or possibly Lewis wasn't even collecting rent from them. I know my Dad was making good money working from job to job. He had bought himself a brand new Buick  he was so proud of.

Grover driving in his Buick between jobs

He was with his working buddy and best friend, Marlin Ray

My Dad acting up - climbing in hooks and
his dress clothes!

Not sure where he was working
when this was taken.

I will stop here for now.  In Chapter 5 I  will begin in 1942 and share the next bold and underhanded step Grover Sr. makes................

Chapter 3: Insane and Incompetent

Now I would like to share with you what happened in 1939. I apologize in advance for the length of this chapter and for the legal jargon that is sometimes difficult for many of us to decipher. But I think for us to grasp what Grover Sr. was doing, I need to attach the legal documents which were sealed at the Tulsa Count Court House.
On July 1st of 1939, Grover Jerry Barnes Sr. filed at Tulsa County an  Order for Hearing Petition for Appointment of Guardian concerning Myrtle Barnes, insane and incompetent. The notice was posted in three different public places and a copy served to Myrtle Barnes, Grover J. Barnes, Jr., Wm. Paul Barnes and Betty Jo Barnes July 3, 1939. They were are all four to appear in court on July 8, 1939. I think it is important to note that Grover Sr. took this action just 6 weeks before his eldest son, Grover Jr. would turn 21 on August 18, 1939 and would no longer be a minor in the State of Oklahoma.
On July 8th of 1939, Myrtle nor the children appeared in court, therefore a Bench Warrant was issued for Myrtle to be brought to the Tulsa County Court House on the 31st of July, 1939. It was also requested that the three children be brought in with her. The back of the Bench Warrant states that she was served and Myrtle was physically brought to Court House by the Sheriff's Department. My Aunt Betty remembers being at the Court House but does not remember being brought in. She cannot remember much of what went on that day. Just remembers being told to be quiet. I am quite sure that after family and friends witnessed Myrtle's behavior, which I described in the previous chapter, Grover hadn't any problems convincing everyone that he was only looking out for Myrtle's best interest. Grover Sr. appears to be a cunning lier, so appearing as the nobel and down trodden husband would come easy for him. It was well known that her family was worried for her safety while she roamed the streets. They worried she could be raped or murdered. They also worried she could hurt herself with the lack of regard she had for her surroundings.


The following document is the Application Grover J. Barnes Sr., issued on July 1, 1939:

The next document is the Judge's Court Order appointing Grover Jerry Barnes Sr. as Guardian of Myrtle Barnes.

The next document show's that Grover Jerry Barnes Sr. was given a $200.00 Guardian's Bond on the 31st day of July, 1939:

Then on the 1st day of August, 1939, Grover Sr. issues an Application as Myrtle's legal guardian, to claim the $1,000.00 Insurance settlement issued to Myrtle by Aetna Life Insurance Company of Hartford.

On September 5th, 1939, The following document shows that the Court issued a Court Order in Grover's behalf to file claim to the Insurance Policy.

The sealed Guardianship file from the Tulsa County Court House spans a time frame of 1939 - 1976. I need to leave this sealed file and I will explain in the next chapter what happened to Myrtle, Grover and the children after these Guardianship Hearings were over.................

Chapter 2: Barnes Family in Tulsa 1931 - 1939

I have very little documentation as to what happened to the Barnes Family between 1931 and 1939. All I can go on are the memories my father shared with me, my Aunt Betty's memories and pictures. My Aunt's memory is very sketchy though. Not only is she 88 years old, but she suffered a stroke a year ago, and you have to remember she was only between the ages of 8 and 16 during this time period.

I have a very hard time understanding why my Grandmother Myrtle took the children and returned home to my Grandfather after 1929. Perhaps she was like many abused women who feel they do not have the emotional or physical means to make it on their own without a husband. Also, since one of the sitings for divorce listed in the divorce she filed in 1929 in Muskogee was concerning the bad company Grover Sr. was keeping, I suspect she felt that moving to Tulsa could be a fresh start for their family. She possibly thought if Grover was away from the bad influence, he would become a better father and husband. 

This did not happen though, he was the same drunken abusive womanizing man he was in Muskogee. To make matters worse, Myrtle was involved in an accident I have not been able to document. I was only told by my Dad that she was hit by a Trolley Car and her medical bills were taken care of. One fact that is documented though, is that she was issued an insurance policy through Aetna, that would pay out if she ever became mentally or physically disabled and was unable to work.

I am only speculating, but I believe it was not long after they came to Tulsa that Myrtle began to shut down mentally and emotionally. If the Trolly Car Accident did truly happen, I believe it was a point of no return to sanity for Myrtle. I remember my Dad telling us that he, Buddy and Betty were left alone a lot. She would wander the streets without any regard for her safety or physical well-being. She was found, for example, out in the snow without proper clothing or shoes on. She would scribble on the Barnes extended family photos – even her own children’s. Betty shared with me that she remembers her Dad working at the Laundromat at night when they first came to Tulsa, but later he went back on the road working from town to town as an Electrical Lineman. My Dad would tell me that the three children would be responsible for getting to school on their own. My Dad graduated from Tulsa Central High School in 1937 and Buddy graduated from Tulsa Central in 1938. Betty is not sure when she married, but I do know that she married Norman Young before she was to graduate in 1942. She left school, married and then returned to Will Rogers High School to finish her Senior Year and graduate in 1943 as Betty Barnes Young. My Dad said his parents did not attend his commencement ceremony and I am sure the same was true for Buddy and Betty. 

After they came to Tulsa, the boys were old enough to start working at the Laundromat. Before my Dad could drive, he also had a job delivering telegraphs for Wester Union. He would ride his bike delivering telegraphs to people in the downtown area to make a dime per telegraph. The picture to the right is of Grover Jr. in his Western Union uniform and the picture below is group shot of the employees of Barnes-Manley Dry Cleaners. Whenever he was eligible to drive, he drove a truck for the Dry Cleaners. When Buddy first started dating Pennie in 1939, his second wife, he was working in the back pressing pants.

Grover Jr. is back row, 4th from right end and Buddy is next to last row, 9th from right end. The year this photo was taken is unknown. My father looks to be about 16 or 17 so that would be 1934 or 1935.

Grover Sr.’s sister, Cleathel Frances Barnes Reese, her husband John Reese, children Johnny and Lorene, all lived on the same street as Grover's family. Both families rented houses from their brother Lewis. Barnes-Manley was at 538 S. Victor and he owned the houses on the same street as the Dry Cleaners. Betty said she could remember Uncle John helping them when they were alone. She can remember him taking her for a doctor appointment once and going to the store for them. 

It has also been said that Myrtle's brother Ancil tried to help her. I think that Myrtle may have gone to stay with Ancil for a while, possibly after the accident, and he found that he could not help her mental state. I believe she was doing the same thing in Muskogee with Ancil, wandering the streets and unable to cope with reality, so she went back to Grover and the children in Tulsa.

That brings me now to 1939, when Grover saw an opportunity to free himself of Myrtle and at the same time financially benefit from it........

     

Chapter 1: My Grandfather, Grover Jerry Barnes Sr.

Grover Jerry Barnes Sr., was one of ten children born to W.H. (Bill) Barnes and Carrie Fusselman Barnes in 1892. He was the second oldest after his brother Lewis. His brother Fred was third and then the seven sisters followed thereafter. Grover came from a very troubled family situation only to create an even more troubling situation for his own family. As I share what I know and what I have learned, I am in no way condoning Grover Sr.'s actions, because I can tell you that the chains of dysfunctional behavior can be broken. I know this, because my father Grover Jr. and my Uncle William Paul "Buddy", broke those chains with their own family.

My story begins On the 18^th day of December in 1915 when Grover J. Barnes Sr. married Myrtle Laxton. They were both residents of Muskogee, Oklahoma and were also married in Muskogee. The marriage was officiated by the First Baptist minister named E. G. Butler with Mrs. E. G. Butler and Miss Cora Newton, both of Muskogee, as witnesses to the Union.

Grover and Myrtle lived in Muskogee on B Street and Grover worked for Oklahoma Gas and Electric of Muskogee. Grover and Myrtle had three children. Grover Jr., born August 18, 1918 was their first child and he is the baby in the picture below. While still in Muskogee, their second child was born eleven months later, William Paul (Buddy), born October 12, 1919 and then their daughter, Betty Jo born July 7th of 1923.

My father, Grover Jr., never shared the details about his upbringing, but after what I have learned, I don't know that he actually knew it all. He shared with me once that he can remember his mother gathering he, Buddy and Betty to take them to his Maternal Grandparent's house whenever his Dad came home drunk. But beyond that he doesn't remember. He didn't remember much about his Grandma Carrie Barnes because she died when he was only 5, the year Betty was born. He doesn't remember a relationship with his Grandpa Bill Barnes, but does remember that his Grandfather committed suicide when Grover Jr. was 15 years of age. I have talked to many of my Dad's first cousins in the past 20 years and it was told to them by their mothers, the five Barnes sisters who had children, that Bill Barnes abused his daughters. Bill Barnes left a suicide note, but he did not give an explanation of why he shot himself in a motel room in 1933. However, it would make me wonder if it was out of guilt for the way he treated his family.

The picture below was given to me by one of Grover Sr.'s sister's granddaughter, Judy Watkins who lives in Okay, Oklahoma. Judy's grandmother was Cleathel Frances Barnes Reese. Cleathel and Grover Sr., lived near each other in Muskogee and then later on the same street in Tulsa. This picture was taken in 1928 in Muskogee at their home. Buddy is 9, Betty is 5 and Grover Jr. is 10.

I would like to now begin to share what I have uncovered about the marriage of Myrtle and Grover Barnes Sr. I wish I knew how they met, but I can only hope by sharing their story with the many cousins I am finding, that more mysteries will be uncovered. My Grandmother was a very quiet, meek, mild person and Grover Sr. was anything but. He was a large man in stature who had a temper, was controlling and demanding. Below is a portrait of my Grandmother when she was so young and beautiful, along with a portrait of my Grandfather in his late teens, early twenties.

On May 1^st of 1929, a petition was filed at the Muskogee Court House on behalf of Mrs. Myrtle Barnes. Mrs. Barnes states the following:

(3) That for a long time continuously down to the present time, defendant (Grover J. Barnes Sr.) has been guilty of extreme cruelty towards plaintiff (Myrtle Barnes). That defendant has abused plaintiff in public and in private to her great mental humiliation and pain and has threatened to do great bodily injury to her, even to the extent of threatening her life. (4) As a further cause of action, that for a long time past and continuously down to the present time, the defendant has been guilty of habitual drunkenness; that he has been in the habit during said period of coming home at all hours of the night in a state of maudlin intoxication, and during which time he associates with persons of bad reputation and is guilty of conduct unbecoming to a married man. (5) Plaintiff states that she has given the defendant no cause or provocation whatsoever for his conduct as aforesaid, and she is without fault in the premises. (6) Plaintiff states that defendant earns a salary of $200.00 per month; that plaintiff and defendant own a Whippet car, two years old, household goods and kitchen furniture and a radio. (7) Plaintiff states that she verily believes that unless defendant is restrained by an order of this court he will dispose of or destroy their property, and that her life and the lives of her children are in danger on account of the threats and demostration of defendant; that defendant has recently made and has offered to shoot them with a shot gun.

Wherefore, plaintiff prays that she may be divorced from her husband by reason of his fault as aforesaid; that she be allowed and decreed the care and custody of the children of said marriage; that the court set apart the personal property above described to plaintiff for her use in maintaining a home for her and her children; and that the defendant be required to pay her alimony for the support and maintenance of their children in such sums as the court may deem just and resonable; she prays that defendant be required to pay forthwith the sum of $75.00 for the subsistence of herself and children during the pendency of this action; that he pay the sum of $75.00 forthwith as attorney’s fees to her attorneys in this action, and that she have her costs herein expended and all proper relief.

On the same day of May 1^st, 1929, Grover J. Barnes Sr. received a court ordered Restraining Order stating the following:

It is therefore ordered that the defendant, Grover J. Barnes, be, and he is hereby restrained from disposing of any of the property belonging to plaintiff and defendant, or molesting plaintiff in the possession of the automobile now in her possession, and that he further be restrained from interfering with plaintiff and her children and from doing any violence to her and those with who she is now temporarily residing.

It is further ordered that within five days from the service hereof, that defendant pay into court the sum of $75.00, suite money for plaintiff and for the maintenance of herself and children pending this action, and that he pay the sum of $50.00 to apply on plaintiff’s attorney fee.

According to this restraining order, she apparently left the house with the three children, who were ages 10, 9 and 5 years of age. I can only assume that she went to her mother and stepfather’s house, William and Margaret Rains or to her brother and sister in law’s house, Ancil and Mora Laxton who all lived in Muskogee.

I also know from the Muskogee Court House, that the divorce was never finalized. I don’t know how long after this, but she eventually went back home to Grover with the children. Because of the Depression, sometime in 1931 the family moved to Tulsa and lived near Grover’s brother Lewis's business, Barnes-Manley Dry Cleaners. Grover, Myrtle and eventually the children went to work for his brother Lewis.

In the next chapter of my story, I will pick up with documents from 1939 that were sealed at the Tulsa County Court House. With help, I feel fortunate to have been able to obtain these documents with a court order from the Judge. I also hope to share what I know of the time between 1931 and 1939 that my father told me along with the family members I have interviewed. However,  much of what happened during that time died within the soul of my Grandmother during those years and then eventually physically died with her in 1981. So unfortunately, we may never know everything that happened, but I am anxious to share what I am learning...........